Snippet Sunday #1

Something I want to do for you guys is to post a piece of a work in progress. I do want to say that it’ll be works in progress, and that you might not see anything like this in the final, published product.

I’m open to feedback and critique, so let me know what you think!

This week’s snippet is from The Brothers Mala, a short story I’m writing about Aurelius (as in “Order of”), and how his order is formed. The point-of-view character is Aurelius’s younger brother, Felix.

~*~

Aurelius wasn’t bad. Not one bit bad, even if he never came to service with Mommy and Felix. Except this morning. There Felix was in the pew with Mommy, listening to the priest talk about the Queen of Heaven, and here came Aurelius up the aisle between the shiny pews. He looked tired. His face had bristles all over and he smelled kinda bad, well, actually real bad, like beer on the pub floor. And his hair stuck up so crazy it looked like a hayloft in the sunshine from the oculus.

Mommy was on the end. She didn’t move to let Aurelius sit down, just sat there with her arms folded and her mouth all pinched like a dog’s butthole. Mad. Felix slid over and patted the pew, and Aurelius kind of smiled and squeezed past Mommy to sit by him, right by him. Felix felt so happy. But he did have to whisper a little bit to Aurelius. “You’re supposed to wash up,” was what he had to say.

“I know,” Aurelius whispered back, “but I wanted to come sit with you so much, I didn’t have time.”

Felix felt even happier. He sat up proud next to his big brother, which was maybe a funny thing to call him. Felix was the big one now. But Aurelius, he was still big, too. He sat low on the pew with his arms folded, wearing a sad face like the world was over, all through the rest of service. He even sat for the hymns, when you were supposed to stand. Felix wanted to find whoever made Aurelius so unhappy and thrash ’em good.

“What’s the matter, Aurelius?” he asked, as soon as they were walking home.

“It’s nothing you need to worry about,” Aurelius said. He had his hands in his pockets and his shoulders all saggy.

“No, tell me. We could fix it. You and me. Like a team. We’re a team, right, Aurelius? Right?”

“This isn’t—” Aurelius started to say, but Mommy interrupted him.

“I’ll tell you what’s the matter!” she yelled, with her wrinkly face turning red. “I’ve never been so humiliated in my life! You made a fine showing, young man, coming to the House of the Sun that way! Still drunk! Aurelius Mala, you are an utter disgrace!”

~*~

Please do let me know what you think! See you next time.

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