Please welcome my new friend Stephanie Barr to the blog today. She’s here to tell you about her character, Dante!
INTERVIEWER: Hello, and welcome to Morning in Corrinn with your host, Danal the Bard. This morning, we have with us something of a celebrity, the ex-military genius, Dante da Silva. How about a round of applause for him, folks?
DANTE: Thank you for having me.
I: Well, let’s get right to it, Dante. You don’t mind if I call you Dante, do you?
D: Sure, as long as you don’t use it more than twenty times. Then, I’m contractually obligated to devour your soul. You have been keeping track, haven’t you?
I: (swallows hard) So, Mr. da Silva, why in the world did you leave the army? My understanding is that you were quite successful and had a bright future there.
D: That’s your understanding, working under the inept leadership of the dishonored traitor Isen gave me a bright future? I’m not sure your understanding and mine jibe. Let’s just say I was tired of keeping his idiotic battle plans from failing as they would if I did as he intended.
I: You refused to follow orders?
D: More like I made sure he never gave me any so, when I saved his ass, he had no way of repudiating me without looking stupid.
I: Why did you save him?
D: I wasn’t so much saving him as the men who’d done nothing wrong. Can we move on? The entire topic bores me?
I: Of course, Da—Mr. da Silva. I was taken aback by how handsome you are in person, but sorry, ladies, I hear he’s already married. Is that true?
D: Is what true?
I: That you’re already married.
D: I have indeed been bound, heart and soul, to a lovely lady.
I: Can you tell us a little about her?
D: (Flashing his teeth in a menacing smile) No.
I: According to reports she’s the Tar—
D: No one. Talks. About. My. Wife.
I: Ahem. Those are some stunning tattoos you’re sporting. Really striking. They’re red but they almost seem to glow on your skin. Do they represent something significant?
D: Yes, they’re a demonic venereal disease.
I: (faintly) How interesting. Do you know where you got it?
D: (smiling) This time? From my wife.
I: Moving on. (shuffling papers) How old is your cat?
D: I have no cat. I eschew pets.
I: (blinks) Isn’t that a cat sitting next to your chair?
I: Wasn’t it backstage with you?
D: It was backstage, yes, but not with me. Cats are independent beasties.
I: (turning to stage hand) Get that hideous thing off the stage.
D: (rising to his feet) What do you think you’re doing?
(Stagehands immediately back away. Cat lifts leg and licks its knotted butt)
I: Well, if it isn’t yours, it’s obviously a stray. And it’s an eyesore so I thought… Ahem, so, you’re a demon?
D: (sitting back down and smiling sweetly) What makes you say that?
I: Well…I…your tattoos! You said—
D: Ah, yes, well, it’s more like a slight malady than anything useful. I’ll be rid of it soon enough.
I: You know the cure for demon possession?
D: I know the cure for this one.
I: Does it come with special powers like fire or ice? Or perhaps divination?
D: No, it just makes me sexy, doesn’t it?
I: Yes, it does rather. So, no other boons?
D: No it’s more of a hassle than anything useful, though my wife does look stunning in red runes.
I: I’m sure she does.
D: Why are you talking about my wife? What do you know about how she looks in runes? Are you spying on her?
I: No, really, I’ve never met the woman. It was just a pleasantry.
D: I did not find it pleasant.
I: So, I have it on the King’s authority that you saved the kingdom. Is that so?
D: No, my wife did.
I: (licking his lips) Perhaps the King sees it differently. Didn’t he specifically request you do this interview?
D: Yes. The Priest’s Guild have been putting pressure on him about me and my wife. I think he thought this might help to humanize me. (Looks at nails) He might be a trifle senile.
I: And what do you say to the priest’s guild who contend that your demon nature makes you unfit to be a hero?
D: I am unfit to be a hero, but that has nothing to do with my demon nature.
I: They have been petitioning the King for your execution and have, besides, put a rather large bounty on your head. Are you afraid?
D: Not in the least. I’m a bit challenging to kill.
(Cat growls, matted hair bristling. Off stage, there is some high-pitched yipping)
D: Wait, did you advertise this show ahead of time so that people knew I would be here?
I: Of course.
D: People like assassins?
I: Oh, dear. Is that a problem?
D: (Dante stands up, and bursts into red and orange flame) Gus, attack!
(Cat leaps into pack of men approaching with wicked-looking swords while Dante starts throwing fireballs)
I: I thought you didn’t have fire magic with your demon infestation.
D: Not with that infestation. What makes you think that’s the only way I’m a demon? Lucky, go for the balls!
(Tiny dog leaps into the group of assassins, who are screaming. Some are on fire. Some have strips torn from faces and hands by the cat. Now some are having their nether regions attacked. Fire is starting to catch on the curtains and a torch falls over.)
I: (Rising and walking backward out off stage) Well, that’s all we have time for. This is Danal the Bard. Do tune in next week assuming we still have a studio.
Stephanie Barr is a part time novelist, full time rocket scientist, mother of three children and slave to many cats. Anything else even vaguely interesting about her can be found in her writing since she puts a little bit of herself in everything she writes…just not the same piece.
Find out more, and meet up with Stephanie online:
Dragon Faerie Creative Enterprises (FB Author Page)